Left: communities work when communities travel
Right: no subsidies towards pollution
Left: It's not working, we must take control
Right: It's not working, we must take control
Pause for commercial break:
"Not a nutter? Then eat butter."
Be A Hero - Work For Zero
"Raw food? Snore food...cooking is for life's winners."
How to be thin and sad
In the current challenging economic climate the very future of Corporate Corporation Incorporated is at stake. Our Executives struggle every day to maintain their country mansions, helicopters and sports cars on severely reduced dividends. It is a 21st Century tragedy in the making.
Therefore we are establishing a selection process linked to a new and exciting employment relationship protocol aimed at securing the future of our wiser and better superiors.
HERO stands for Help Executives Restore Order.
If you are selected you will work under this new protocol for an indefinite fixed term frequently extendable period during which the following conditions will apply.
1. Nothing within the HERO contract of employment shall be deemed to constitute a contract of employment.
2. You will work on an exclusive zero hour contract basis.
3. Any periods of work provided at the sole discretion of the company shall be at the rate of £0 per hour.
4. Sickness absence during the lifespan of the HERO contract shall be treated as Gross Misconduct and dealt with accordingly.
5. Those selected for the HERO programme shall be given the option of applying for HEROplus. HEROplus provides a unique opportunity to make regular donations equivalent to National Insurance contributions under PAYE. These voluntary donations shall be held in an offshore fund specifically designed to protect the personal pension provision of the CEO.
Within the next few days HR will be notifying those who have successfully completed the Unilateral Selection Process (USP). Please do not be too disappointed if your name is not on the initial list as we have plans to roll out the HERO programme across all divisions in phased batches across the next twelve months.
Those selected in the initial phase will receive a generous reward package, consisting of an imitation gold HERO medal and a £20 Love to Shop voucher.
Corporate Corporation Incorporated is a wholly owned subsidiary of Global International Ltd.
(Clockhouse London Writers contributing were: Allen Ashley, Madeleine Beresford, Sarah Doyle, David McGroarty, Stephen Oram, David Turnbull and Sandra Unerman.)