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neil ayres
OPHELIA (OFFSTAGE)


        Our anti-hero throws his comic book in the bin, as if to say: Now's the time for seriousness; now's the time to grow up.  And this isn't the Beano we're talking about, no, this is Alan Moore's Watchmen.  Do you like that, Alan Moore's Watchmen, as if the artist's a negligible part of the package?
        There's a wicker wastepaper bin: he feeds it wastepaper.

        Pamela is carefully painting in mint-green eucalyptus leaves through the guides of a stencil.  We can learn something about her from this; the reason stencils are so great is that they effectively remove the necessity for such exactitude; yet she remains mindful nevertheless.  'For an even coat,' she explains to her daughter, who is similarly following guidelines: belly on floor, crayon in hand.

*    *    *

        Bold.  Demanding of people's attention.
        Much like the mother herself: the daughter,
        the colours in the pad and on the wall.

        The colours are complementary.  Sure,
        to the girl's eye, but they missed the stencil's
        guidance, missed its moulding suggestion;
        missed that the most.

*    *    *

        My Shopping List
        Drawing board
        Apple Mac
        Suitable software
        Dynamics of human movement
        The dynamics of the human mind
        A few hundred X-Men comics
        Ample supply of pens
        Coffee (And lots of it!)
        Milk
        Brown sugar
        Anti-perspirant deodorant
        An electric fan
        Writing pad
        Ream of cheap blank paper (maybe two if they're on offer)
        New specs
        A suitable associate with an artistic eye - not too critical, not too soft
        Cuddly toy for mascot
        Kettle
        Microwave

        Travelcard and/or bike
        Stereo (with decent radio reception)
        Lunch - daily
        Chewing gum
        Mary-Joanna
        Post-it notes
        Internet access (preferably broadband)
        Guide to script writing
        Music CDs (Instrumental)
        Telephone
        Alarm clock
        Wall clock
        Candles (for power cuts)
        Candles (for ambient evening light and pleasant aroma)

        Cleaning products:        1. Disinfectant spray
                                2. Toilet cleaner
                                3. Bathroom spray
                                4. Bleach
                                5. Sponge
                                6. Jay-cloths

        Emergency numbers for:        1. Plumber
                                2. Electrician

                                3. Solicitors
                                4. IT support
                                5. Landlord
                                6. Builder
                                7. Locksmith

        Calendar (Daily)
        Calendar (Wall planner)
        Emulsion - white
        Paintbrushes
        Stepladder
        Biological ladder
;)
        Roller
        Paint tray
        Woodstain for skirting

        Accounts with:                1. Water board
                                2. LEC
                                3. Gas board
                                4. Council

        Fridge
        Sofabed
        Desk
        Chair x3
        New locks
        Keys
        Biscuits
        Houseplants
        Artist's materials
        Fresh flowers